Mother of all Disclaimers
This humor does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my dog: don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; jokes subject to change without notice; text is slightly enlarged to show detail; resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and coincidental; all models are over 18 years of age; dry clean only; do not bend, fold, or mutilate; anchovies or jalapenos added to jokes upon request; your mileage may vary; no substitutions are allowed; for a limited time only while supplies last; offer void where prohibited; humor is provided ''as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; do not remove this tag under penalty of law; Confined Space -Do Not Enter; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; equal opportunity joke employer; no shoes, no shirt, no jokes.
Caveat emptor; read at your own risk; jokes may contain material some readers find objectionable; parental advisory: explicit lyrics; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; ask us about our guns-for-jokes trade-in plan; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; action figures sold separately; jokes were packed full, contents may have settled during mailing; sanitized and sealed for your protection; do not use if safety seal is broken; do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment; safety goggles may be required during use; call before you dig; use only with proper ventilation; for external use only; if a swelling, redness, rash, or irritation develops, discontinue use.
Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; keep away from open flames; avoid inhaling fumes or contact with mucous membranes; joke contents under pressure, may explode if incinerated; smoking these jokes may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh; text is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were used to test the hilarity of these jokes; no salt, MSG, preservatives, artificial color or flavor added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a comedian; jokes are ribbed for your pleasure; slippery when wet; must be 18 to enter
Possible penalties for early withdrawal; one size fits all; joke offer is valid only at participating Internet sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; if defects are found, do not try to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized joke service center; please remain seated until the jokes have come to a complete stop; jokes in the mirror may be funnier than they appear; this disclaimer does not cover hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, and other Acts of God, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, unauthorized repair , improper installation, misuse, typos, misspelled words, missing or altered signatures, and incidents owing to computer or disk failure, accidental file deletions, or milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking; other restrictions may apply. And, if something here offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.